I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
