It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
