If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
