You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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