Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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