My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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