i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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