Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
