ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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