4 words: hood of his car
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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