Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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