I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
