i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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