My pussy is not your playground.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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