they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
