I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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