I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
