I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
