k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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