So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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