Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
