I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
vagina is talking i cant
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize