There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
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