My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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