you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
