WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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