Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
