Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
