Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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