Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
