How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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