I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
