I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
