yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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