don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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