i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
