this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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