At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
