Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
