my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
