and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
