Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
