We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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