Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
as a side note pls kill me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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