Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
