i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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