I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
