I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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