I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize