I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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