just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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