i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize