My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize