Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm both gender and math confused
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
