I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
