1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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