He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
