just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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