ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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