I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
God I need to hump something, right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
