awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
