lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
