A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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