Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
