Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
