at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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