We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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