Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
