she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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