Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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