Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
